There are moments in our lives that change us, define a new aspect of our personality, and illuminate our lives in a new way.

For months, I have felt hopeless. I have missed the simple joys of life, like biking, hiking, and taking long walks around the city. I couldn’t sleep at night, and carrying a backpack with my laptop became a burden. I struggled to walk upstairs, and my overall mental state was deteriorating. All this trouble stemmed from one unfortunate fall on a slippery rock in the forest. At least I was doing what I loved.

After the fall, my hip did not immediately become a problem. It started to creep up on me slowly, without warning. It was cruel, as it gave me hope that I could fix it myself, only to let me down again.

I have been trying physical therapy for over a year. Together with my physical therapist, I have tried several approaches. However, little things continued to agitate my leg, morphing and changing the pain presentation to confuse both me and my physical therapist. I had no idea what was wrong. I wanted this to end. My concentration dissipated like the mist on morning grass as the sun began to shine.

I initially refused surgery, hoping that intensive physical therapy would be my solution. I watched countless videos illustrating how hip surgeries do not help patients and how only proper physical therapy can lead to improvement. That tiny glimmer of hope kept me going, but sadly, I was overly optimistic. I explored the scientific literature, but not much fully addressed my situation.

I decided to get a second option, and I somehow ended up with a third…

At first, I didn’t understand why diagnosing the pain in my hip joint was so difficult. Even as a patient, I could never pinpoint the exact location as it would change with my movements and the activities I engaged in that day.

After months of battling persistent flare-ups despite all the physical therapy I’d undergone, I finally gave up and chose surgery. I was no longer satisfied with merely walking; I wanted to bike and hike again. I craved my life back. I had to trust my surgeon and his experience. I had to trust science and medicine.

The surgery itself was not difficult on me; I got by with stronger NSAIDs and aspirin. If you experience pain, you can empathize with people at a different level. However, this was one of the most humbling experiences of my adult life. I expected pain. I know many aspects of pain, but this was not the hardest aspect of the recovery.

I did not expect how challenging it would be to rely on my husband for nearly every aspect of my life. If you have never asked someone to put on your socks, you will not understand. When you cannot shower alone, prepare food, or go anywhere alone, you depend on them for shopping and to ensure they leave the soup in a pot on the stove… This has given me a new perspective on our marriage and the importance of being with people who care about you when you need it most.

Although I slept a lot during the first four weeks, my distractions included TV shows, audiobooks, and many hours spent using a CPM machine. I was unable to sit for almost four weeks, and it took a long time to sit for more than 10 minutes.

Before the surgery, I had an entire plan for how I would finish writing my papers and apply for the fellowship, but when your body needs to regenerate, you have to give in. If it tells you to sleep, you must do it.

Every day, I am getting stronger, but I still have a long way ahead of me with physical therapy, but I am very hopeful.

We recently strolled through the park. I enjoyed a long walk, and although walking is still not pain-free, I am confident it will soon be. I missed seeing the changing foliage and being outside.

I took some pictures with my phone today and couldn’t get enough. Fall is such a beautiful season. This spring, I hope I will be able to hike real trails once more and bike to the beach like we used to every summer weekend. I wish I had done this surgery sooner!